Given what you are looking for I think the Koni Sports or FSDs and a set of 2011/12 springs would give you what you want without spending a lot of money. FSDs if you don't want to mess with adjusting the dampers. I would still consider adding the M3 FSB and control arms and tension rods. I think you would be pleasantly surprised with the set up.
2009 BMW LeMans Blue 135i/Dinan Stage 2 tune/Alufelgen SF-71s/M3 suspension components/Koni Sport adjustable dampers/ETS FMIC/M3 paddle shifters/Alpina B3 TCU flash