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      12-27-2005, 09:40 AM   #89
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Hate to say it, but that was a poor choice of a bf. You felt sorry for him? Is that a basis for a relationship? Kick the bastard out of his apartment. Change your locks, replace the doors with metal and strong frames, GET A SAFE and bolt it to the floor. Don't EVER give a bf a key!
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      12-27-2005, 09:55 AM   #90
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Gee compos mentis, you're so sensitive and wise, I bet your string of well-chosen ex-girlfriends think so too.
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      12-27-2005, 09:57 AM   #91
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The question was "Wow, what should i do". Well hopefully, you can put this behind you and move on. I know it will be hard to get this out of your head/system the first couple of weeks. Just keep an eye out for any strangers. And sorry you had to experience this during Xmas. I hope you are not living by yourself, that would make you a very easy target.

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      12-27-2005, 11:00 AM   #92
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Condolences Bella. We're all here for you, since we sorta caused the problem by distracting you from paying him the needed attention.
He sounds like a street-smart manipulator, so make sure your dad does the eviction within the law, or he'll figure out a way to get back at the whole family.

And BE SURE you are accusing the right person. I know, you KNOW it was him. But a friend of mine had problems with what was supposedly an in-law's ex taking things from the front lawn, vandalizing, etc. They got a camera and it was really a roving band of punk kids, my original suspicion to begin with.

Work with the police, provide and INFORMATION you have, and also let them know your SUSPICIONS

I know you don't want to, but THINK about it. If I had come into your room, and thrashed things around, opening presents, would I have been able to find the money? Would I have knocked the beads over if I were in a hurry? If I were really an angry ex, do you think your picture might still be standing undisturbed, or would it be smashed against a wall?

If you then come to the same conclusion, mentioning the sales may be an important lead for the police. It would give them reason to search his place, and maybe find things like a unique watch from grandma. Even if he just told one of his "customers" how to get in, if they brought it back to him for merchandise to trade, . . .

Invest in some lighting timers if there are not other people in the house at regular hours. Consider being on the cell to someone nearby as you enter your house, just in case YOU don't have time to call 911
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      12-27-2005, 11:31 AM   #93
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LOL howcome everyone thinks every immigrant came over on a raft??? we have planes you know...
No he really did come on a raft. No lie. He spent 4 days in the ocean, and saw a guy get attacked by a shark.

I didnt date him cause i felt sorry for him. I liked him obvisouly.

I have a cuban family that come into my restuarant every friday night, and they too said that cuban men are extremely possessive with their women.
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      12-27-2005, 12:32 PM   #94
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StewtheBassman
Gee compos mentis, you're so sensitive and wise, I bet your string of well-chosen ex-girlfriends think so too.
What, I'm a wise guy to suggest she not date a drug dealing thief from an abusive family? A good looking 20ish should not have good locks on her door?

Maybe she should go back to him and let him beat her up next time?

(Did I strike a nerve with you? My apologies then.)
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      12-27-2005, 12:42 PM   #95
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BellasBmw
I sort of feel like i know you guys, so i need your advice. Most of you know that i did end it with my x about a month ago. We broke up cause he couldnt trust me, and basically accused me of cheating and started threatening my friends/acquaintences, got my cell bill, went through my email..etc. So i basically got freaked out and said thats it.

I got home from work tonight, alone, and i walked into my room and saw a mess on my floor (it was dark) but i freaked out thinking someone robbed my house and i took off. So i went back to my restaurant, told my mom (my dad is in brazil with my brother and sis in law, my other bro is in mexico.. so its just her and i). So she and our co worker went back to my house to check out what happened. The house was perfectly fine, except my room was trashed. My clothes were thrown all over my floor, my jewelry (all my earrings and necklaces) was taken, my money from working was gone, my mom's xmas gift was gone, gifts for my friends are gone, a $250 tiffany necklace-GONE. Im sooooo mad!!!! I feel so violated and betrayed. My x is the only one who would know where i hide my money, how to get into my house, and he knew my dad was gone and it was just my mom and i (he also knows my work schedule). I cant prove its him, but really.. it cant be anyone else. We're gonna file a report tomrorow cause i lost valuables.. But my mom says to not start anything with him cause she thinks hes gonna kill me.

What do i do? The cops are coming tomorrow, theyre gonna ask why my room was the only one destroyed.. but im scared that he's gonna do something worse. I dnot care about the mess, but my gifts for xmas are gone, and im so sad.. :mad:
Go and buy yourself a gun right NOW. Learn how to use it properly and safely. They don't offer too many concealedcarry permits in Cali. so you will just have to carry it illegally. First offense is only a misdeameoner and a fine. To me it is worth the offense if it will protect your life. :mad: :mad: I hate guys who violate and take advantage of woman like that.
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      12-27-2005, 12:44 PM   #96
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Compos Mentis
What, I'm a wise guy to suggest she not date a drug dealing thief from an abusive family? A good looking 20ish should not have good locks on her door?

Maybe she should go back to him and let him beat her up next time?

(Did I strike a nerve with you? My apologies then.)

I've dated some wierd women, but there were never any rabbits in the pot, if you know what I mean. I'm very happily married now, so hopefully there won't be!

I've never dated any abusive drug dealers, but everyone chooses poorly from time to time, even intelligent young women with secure families. To her credit, Bella broke off with the guy as his abusive nature became more apparent.

Bella dated him for a fair length of time, so he couldn't have been a prick the whole time. Keep in mind that we only know about Bella what we think we know, and that for awhile he was the right guy for her. Clearly (and I like to think partly through her association at e90post) she has grown past what Cuban ex has to offer her, and she has moved on. His chagrin at this is expressed through his violence towards her which Bella obviously didn't forsee.

Chalk one up to experience.

And compos mentis, forgive my snottiness.
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      12-27-2005, 12:48 PM   #97
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StewtheBassman
..Chalk one up to experience.

And compos mentis, forgive my snottiness.
I agree 100%. (It was never my intention to be mean.)
Forgiven.
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      12-27-2005, 12:52 PM   #98
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Aw shucks, this is such a fine forum, eh Bella?
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      12-27-2005, 01:48 PM   #99
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Yeah you guys are really great people.

I think that my x didnt want me hanging out with other guys, nor certain friends cause he knew that i could do much better, and by keeping me sheltered in his bubble, i would never know otherwise.

He didnt start selling weed until the last 3 months of our relationship. I got SO mad when he told me, but he said its easy money, and he just wanted to do it for a little to get some extra cash to take me out. I said i didnt want your weed money, i rather sit at home, then u take me out. I told him i lost respect cause i always thought he was such a hard worker and now he is copping out. So i decided to compromise with him.. i said ill let you do it for 2 months MAX, and thats it. And there were conditions, if i was around or with him, he couldnt conduct any business. Well, the first month he was good about it, then it got worse and worse and he got way into it, and started bailing on plans to go make a deal. Then he started to get more testy, and would snap more frequently. He started to get more possessive, and wanted to know who was calling me, listen to my msgs, ..etc. Then i left for NY, and thats when the shit hit the fan. The moment i landed, i called him to let him know i was fine, and he went off. Accusing me of cheating, he was drunk, calling me every name in the book. I told him to leave mea lone, i was on vacation and didnt want to deal with it. I ignored him and that pissed him off more. Then all text msgs started, and then he got my cell bill and was callin my guy friends threatening them. That was the last day i talked to him..dec1.

When i got back, i spoke with 1 of his x friends (the one i was friends with also). He said that while i was in Nyc, sandy called him to "chill". He went over there, and sandy started swinging on him, and he pulled a knife on him, and thats when the friend left.

Its funny that AFTER you break up w/ someone, everyone comes out and says "o yea we knew he was nuts, or yea becareful...etc" Wtf.. WHY DIDNT U TELL ME?! My friend always says "sandy saw you as his wife"..and he wont let go so easily.
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      12-27-2005, 03:25 PM   #100
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I'm telling you you should get that gun. Only you can keep anything stupid from happening.
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      12-27-2005, 05:06 PM   #101
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whew... psycho... (eeeeeh! eeeeeh! eeeeeh! eeeeeh! eeeeeh!), this is that tight pants wearing guy you were talking about?
Sucks that your christmas was ruined. Maybe the so cali people can have a meet and give you a make-up christmas party.
I think the real sad thing is I hear about these type of stuff more often then I like to from friends. What's worse, the girl usually goes back to the guy eventually, after swearing on and off that they will never do that. You seem pretty smart, hope you won't fall into that same category. I would suggest you contacting an attorney to find out some info about restraining orders also.

Truthfully though, if my gf were going on forums and meets, I would be kinda like ehhh...
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      12-27-2005, 05:19 PM   #102
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you get all the dirty work....


One of my VP's is HOT!
haha
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      12-27-2005, 05:45 PM   #103
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timzerofive

Truthfully though, if my gf were going on forums and meets, I would be kinda like ehhh...
I'd be hanging with her at least, enjoying the glow of all those beemers and the cool people in the forum!
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      12-28-2005, 03:30 PM   #104
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You guys, IM SO MAD... Im so hurt, and i feel so lonely.

I told my dad today about what happened. Hes in brazil, and i thought i should let him know. He basically blamed me for being friends with other guys, and that i caused sandy to act the way he did. He said hes gonna act like nothing happened, and that we dont know anything.. hes not gonna kick him out cause my dad is a pussy and thinks that if we kick him out, he'll do something worse. So lets let him be, and eventually he'll evict him on a different reason. Hes still gonna hire sandy to do his work, and act like he doesnt know anything. Im soooo mad, i cant believe hes picking him over me, and blaming me. I wish i had a dad who would go there with a gun in his face for hurting me so much. Instead hes letting him get away with it, saying we're a bunch of cowards, and hey what else can i get away with..
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      12-28-2005, 03:45 PM   #105
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The old tough love, put you in your place, women are chattel response from pops, eh? (No, not my opinion)
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      12-28-2005, 03:56 PM   #106
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Well, your dad might have some good points, but thats probably not the best thing to do. Why don't you try to get your mom to talk some sense into him?
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      12-28-2005, 04:00 PM   #107
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timzerofive
Well, your dad might have some good points, but thats probably not the best thing to do. Why don't you try to get your mom to talk some sense into him?
Yeah i see his point too, of not kicking not because of this situation. But i do think he needs to do SOMETHING, anything.. not just let it go and hopefully it will be forgotten. I feel like hes choosing him over me. And my mom says "he will be even nicer to sandy".. my dad hired sandy to do some sprinkler system for one of his properties, my dad said hes gonna continue with the plan, and hes gonna act like he doesnt knowa nything. How can a father see his daughter crying, and get stabbed int eh back and just sit there and act like nothing happened.. what a piece of sh*t
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      12-28-2005, 04:03 PM   #108
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MAYBE he's taking the innocent until proven guilty road. Or he saved a ton of money on letting Sandy do the work?
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      12-28-2005, 04:08 PM   #109
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BellasBmw
I sort of feel like i know you guys, so i need your advice. Most of you know that i did end it with my x about a month ago. We broke up cause he couldnt trust me, and basically accused me of cheating and started threatening my friends/acquaintences, got my cell bill, went through my email..etc. So i basically got freaked out and said thats it.

I got home from work tonight, alone, and i walked into my room and saw a mess on my floor (it was dark) but i freaked out thinking someone robbed my house and i took off. So i went back to my restaurant, told my mom (my dad is in brazil with my brother and sis in law, my other bro is in mexico.. so its just her and i). So she and our co worker went back to my house to check out what happened. The house was perfectly fine, except my room was trashed. My clothes were thrown all over my floor, my jewelry (all my earrings and necklaces) was taken, my money from working was gone, my mom's xmas gift was gone, gifts for my friends are gone, a $250 tiffany necklace-GONE. Im sooooo mad!!!! I feel so violated and betrayed. My x is the only one who would know where i hide my money, how to get into my house, and he knew my dad was gone and it was just my mom and i (he also knows my work schedule). I cant prove its him, but really.. it cant be anyone else. We're gonna file a report tomrorow cause i lost valuables.. But my mom says to not start anything with him cause she thinks hes gonna kill me.

What do i do? The cops are coming tomorrow, theyre gonna ask why my room was the only one destroyed.. but im scared that he's gonna do something worse. I dnot care about the mess, but my gifts for xmas are gone, and im so sad.. :mad:
I am very sorry to hear this. I will advise you to include him (the x) in your police report. This freak is obssessive, has already threatened your friends, has already gone to the extreme length (allegedly) of breakin-in to your house, I am afraid that with or without your reporting him he may well escalate.

I am not trying to alarm you, but unfortunately there are a lot of basterds out there who will resort to violence, based upon the theory that, if I can't have her no one else will; they range from estranged husbands to ex-boyfriends.

First, ensure that the way you think he got into your house is no longer avaialble as a way to get in. Try to be accompanied by (male and 6.2) friends when you go out to bars/restaurants etc.

Definately accuse him in the police report-this way, if God forbid something else happens, there is already a report with his name as a suspect in it. And most importantly, who knows, maybe the fact that the police will talk to him will calm him down.

Remember at thi point it is not about the valuables he stole (if him) but about your future physical safety.

This guy obviously has issues - Oh and BTW, don't ever ever contemplate forgiving him or getting back with him should he grovel and beg.

Move on. Be safe.
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      12-28-2005, 04:09 PM   #110
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I think his mentality at the moment might be that, its just two kids fighting, and it will all blow over. He might not realize the severity of the situation because he's not there. But wait... let me get this straight, the guy's still living at your house???
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