"Lazy" GF... How to motivate?

[paulster88]

well not much to do here, you two either take each other as you are and accept and respect your choices or you can call it a day. another option is that she might get interested in the gym herself some time later, but there should be no pressure and/or hints from your side

[stbm5]

Originally Posted by qba335i

How do you motivate your GFs/partners?

My girlfriend is in sales (management role), travels pretty frequently and works 50+ hours a week. Her job is pretty stressful/demanding and by the time she gets home all she wants to do it lay on the couch (nap), watch mindless TV and sit on Instagram.

I am trying to motivate her to do something outside of work, but it's not going well. She is pretty sensitive (and I am very direct) so it always ends up in an argument that she is not good enough for me and that our jobs are different... and it goes downhill pretty fast.

Example: She was traveling most of last week - came back home on Friday night. On Tuesday around 6pm I told her that by the time I get back from gym (9:30PM) she has to organize her clothes as they were all over the second bedroom and finally clean the receipts (she needs to submit them for reimbursement and they were on the table since Sunday). I also mentioned that it's a 4th day that she is on the couch and it would be nice if she finally signed up for gym... Fast forward a few days and she is still beyond pissed.

lol. i'd be pissed too. you aren't the boss of her. if you don't dig her style then you best end it.

[1MOREMOD]

Sure he is its a team thing. 4 days is too long to not pick up your crap. Tell her it bugs you and if she gives a shit she will work on it. Same goes for working out. No need to beat around the bush be direct ask for what you want.

[RnmEvo9]

Dump her and move on

[Blueeyesredpanda]

Weight reduction

[Germanauto]

Seems like she's justifiably stressed and fatigued.

At least your girl seems well educated.

I'm not with some of the others who are recommending to bail. Yes, it does raise worry that she's gonna end up being a lazy fatty one day. She's clearly not listening to your concerns. But I think you are on the right track by trying to help her first rather than just running away.

[rlmesq]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Double down, ask her if she is comfortable with the weight she is at.

And buy lots of porn. It will further alienate her and give you something to fap over when she cuts you off.

[drexplode]

ask her if she is satisfied with the current situation and relationship. If not then the next question is "what do you wish to change". Give her the ownership of acknowledging the situation. If she is content and doesn't want anything to change then think long and hard if you want to remain in that situation. You aren't going to change her but you can change who you are with. Sorry for the hard truth.

[NYC535iowner]

I had a friend who was married for about 1 year and his fiance was the same way. She stay home all day(she wasn't working) in her pajamas, or sleeping, didnt cook, hardly clean etc. My friend he did whatever he could just to stay out the house and not see her because he knew he was going to fight. it was always an argument, he got tired of that relationship and got divorce and NOW he is happy with another girl and got a baby.

MORAl of the story: IMO take her out to eat or just at home a nice dinner, try talking to her nice, tell her how you feel etc and try to come to a conclusion between the two of you. Give it a try and see if she changes if NOT guess what, that will be the rest of your life

[rlmesq]

Originally Posted by NYC535iowner

I had a friend who was married for about 1 year and his fiance was the same way. She stay home all day(she wasn't working) in her pajamas, or sleeping, didnt cook, hardly clean etc.

Did you miss the part in the initial post that says she is a sales executive who works 50 hours a week?

[UncleWede]

#Lupswantsmywife
Dinner tonight was a chicken and lentil crock pot creation

You forget that I make guac. Ladies at work were PISSED when they saw ingredient but I didn't make for them yesterday since lots of people brought cookies and pies for admin professional day

[1MOREMOD]

Originally Posted by rlmesq

And buy lots of porn. It will further alienate her and give you something to fap over when she cuts you off.

Probably get jealous of those porn stars and show you some shit then.

[FlaPatsFan]

I’m not sure if anyone asked this but....the MILLION dollar question should be....IS SHE HOT and HOWS THE SEX???

Anything is tolerable for awhile if the answer to that question is YES....and SPECTACULAR.

Good luck brother

[HXS]

Originally Posted by Hawkeye

I am most surprised by the number of people here that think 50 hours is a long work week... I must be in the wrong profession.

About 15 years ago when I was just starting my professional career, I felt the same way.

Now, I’m burnt out and can barely get by a 40-hour work week!

[djpeetur]

Originally Posted by qba335i

She is still size 0... but it will eventually change if she maintains this lifestyle.

If you can post a picture of her, that would help with my decision.

[fun ticket]

Like others have said, you should probably move on. This isn't really going to change, it sounds like you are a bad match.

If you stay in it, you may want to cut her some slack. I used to travel full time, it will absolutely wear you out. All I wanted to do when I got home Friday nights was chill and go nowhere. Monday mornings came quickly.

All this is coming from an old guy.....really old.....lol

[Alfisti]

I still think the a lot of you are kind of missing the true issue here, but i've outlined my thoughts there already.

Another thing to consider, she's tired and beat up working a 50 hour week now, she's young and as healthy and energetic as she is ever going to be. Add two kids and more financial stress to the equation, that's a 100 hour week.

She's soft, life will be a slog for her.

[1MOREMOD]

Agreed life is about being able to do the things you need to regardless of your desire to do it. Work comes before slacking off. If you can only manage to get things done when you feel like it you aren't getting things done.

[Rampant]

Late to the thread.

Do you love her? Remember you don't get to choose who you fall in love with. That simply *happens* without your consent.

If you do love her, stick with her. Try to be a bit more "supportive" and positive, but still suggest the things you'd like to do together without being so direct. Difficult, I know. Far easier said than done. But might yield some results. Also keep asking her what she'd like to do. If all she responds is wanting to relax, then after a few days, in as respectful and kind a way as possible, remind her that "we've been relaxing for a few days now, so I'd like for *us to do *blah for a nice change, maybe tomorrow, and we can relax the day after if you'd like". Some shizzle like that ought to work. There's no reason for her to take offence if you're nice about it, and the give and take shouldn't be something that people dismiss without their "other" reasons.

Any thoughts if that might prove useful?

Mark H

[RickFLM4]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

I still think the a lot of you are kind of missing the true issue here, but i've outlined my thoughts there already.

Another thing to consider, she's tired and beat up working a 50 hour week now, she's young and as healthy and energetic as she is ever going to be. Add two kids and more financial stress to the equation, that's a 100 hour week.

She's soft, life will be a slog for her.

I don’t think we are missing your view. We just don’t all agree that she is the entire problem and that OP should be “fucking merciless”. Having problems in a relationship are inescapable. Talking about them is important and how you approach problem resolution is crucial. Referring to someone who is working full-time and traveling for work as “lazy” while ordering her to do shit and suggesting she join a gym is simply not a constructive way to solve any problems. The first post in this thread highlights at least as many flaws in OP as the GF.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by wrickem

You've always got to be accountable for your actions, but I'll jump for a deadline set by my employer quicker than my 30 year partner.

There are reasons for deadlines, I get that, but the OPs deadline was set just because he thinks it's time, not for any particular reason like company coming and needing the guest room that night.

Or maybe because he's finally had enough of her shit?

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Rampant

Late to the thread.

Do you love her? Remember you don't get to choose who you fall in love with. That simply *happens* without your consent.

If you do love her, stick with her. Try to be a bit more "supportive" and positive, but still suggest the things you'd like to do together without being so direct. Difficult, I know. Far easier said than done. But might yield some results. Also keep asking her what she'd like to do. If all she responds is wanting to relax, then after a few days, in as respectful and kind a way as possible, remind her that "we've been relaxing for a few days now, so I'd like for *us to do *blah for a nice change, maybe tomorrow, and we can relax the day after if you'd like". Some shizzle like that ought to work. There's no reason for her to take offence if you're nice about it, and the give and take shouldn't be something that people dismiss without their "other" reasons.

Any thoughts if that might prove useful?

Mark H

Nah, love does NOT conquer all. Ask me how I know. Unhappiness is unhappiness. If she won't get it in gear & you can't deal with it, it's time to end it.