Joke Thread

vladinecko · 03-24-2006, 01:34 PM

An essay question in a communist grammar school: Who is your favorite soviet leader and why Lenin?

shimshimhada · 03-24-2006, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vladinecko

An essay question in a communist grammar school: Who is your favorite soviet leader and why Lenin?

timzerofive · 03-24-2006, 01:52 PM

How does every ethnic joke start?

With a glance over the shoulder.

BellasBmw · 03-24-2006, 02:06 PM

Main difference btwn usa and europe..

timzerofive · 03-24-2006, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellasBmw

Main difference btwn usa and europe..

Which one's which?

BellasBmw · 03-24-2006, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by timzerofive

Which one's which?

U really gotta ask?
Well it says europe under the skinny hot chick, and usa under the not so hot chick

shimshimhada · 03-24-2006, 02:28 PM

I do not understand why girls don't know how to choose clothing that fit them.

timzerofive · 03-24-2006, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellasBmw

U really gotta ask?
Well it says europe under the skinny hot chick, and usa under the not so hot chick

Dammit, I guess we're assed out (no pun intended) on this side of the pond.

Compos Mentis · 03-24-2006, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shimshimhada

I do not understand why girls don't know how to choose clothing that fit them.

...Like the low riders with the fat roll spilling out...

sorry, but the 'not so hot' chick ruined my lunch.

timzerofive · 03-24-2006, 02:55 PM

muffin top! ew!

NaTuReB0Y · 03-24-2006, 08:42 PM

Yo mama so fat.....she made Michelin Man look like Manute Bol.

sdorn · 03-25-2006, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellasBmw

U really gotta ask?
Well it says europe under the skinny hot chick, and usa under the not so hot chick

So are you saying that American chicks are fat and ugly? Where are you from again? lol

BellasBmw · 03-25-2006, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sdorn

So are you saying that American chicks are fat and ugly? Where are you from again? lol

I may have been born here, but both my parents were born in sicily. I got european blood. Not one adult in my family was born in the US

docbolo · 03-25-2006, 01:41 AM

most of americans blood comes from other places. The nice thing about this place is that its a melting pot of cultures and genetic mixing.

I've been to Europe dozens of times on business and if you think the people are more beautiful there you are wrong! They have overweight people too (of course not as many as deep south and midwest). Alot more ugly people in Sicily than NYC or San Diego for sure!!!

I say move to Europe if you like the people there. Me? I kiss the ground everytime I come back to the good ol USA!

BellasBmw · 03-25-2006, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by docbolo

most of americans blood comes from other places. The nice thing about this place is that its a melting pot of cultures and genetic mixing.

I've been to Europe dozens of times on business and if you think the people are more beautiful there you are wrong! They have overweight people too (of course not as many as deep south and midwest). Alot more ugly people in Sicily than NYC or San Diego for sure!!!

I say move to Europe if you like the people there. Me? I kiss the ground everytime I come back to the good ol USA!

Cool, now back to the jokes!

BellasBmw · 03-25-2006, 01:56 AM

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his friend he was going to the doctor. His friend told him to go to the pharmacy where there is a machine that for ten dollars and a urine sample will tell you what is wrong with you. So he went to the pharmacy and put the ten dollars and his urine sample in. After a minute a paper came out and said that he has tennis elbow and he should soak his elbow in warm water for the next two weeks. That night, he decided the machine must be a fraud.

So, the next day he made a mixture of tap water, his daughter's urine, his dog's urine -- and he added some of his own semen to it. He brought it to the pharmacy and put ten dollars and the stuff in. After a minute the paper came out and said, ''The tap water has lead, the dog has worms, your daughter is on drugs and she's not your daughter.''

nabutes · 03-25-2006, 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellasBmw

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his friend he was going to the doctor. His friend told him to go to the pharmacy where there is a machine that for ten dollars and a urine sample will tell you what is wrong with you. So he went to the pharmacy and put the ten dollars and his urine sample in. After a minute a paper came out and said that he has tennis elbow and he should soak his elbow in warm water for the next two weeks. That night, he decided the machine must be a fraud.

So, the next day he made a mixture of tap water, his daughter's urine, his dog's urine -- and he added some of his own semen to it. He brought it to the pharmacy and put ten dollars and the stuff in. After a minute the paper came out and said, ''The tap water has lead, the dog has worms, your daughter is on drugs and she's not your daughter.''

Ahh...you missed the punch line, "If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better."

BellasBmw · 03-26-2006, 01:19 PM

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces. These
Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma,
Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been
given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, the American flag or
Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

BMW F22 · 03-26-2006, 02:01 PM

Where are the ethnic jokes?? LOL wonder if I can put jokes about Asians here since IM asian. ahh fuck it as long as it's not too offensive.

what do you call a white woman with one leg shorter than the other?? Irene
What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilean.

Squawks · 03-26-2006, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BMWE90

Where are the ethnic jokes?? LOL wonder if I can put jokes about Asians here since IM asian. ahh fuck it as long as it's not too offensive.

what do you call a white woman with one leg shorter than the other?? Irene
What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilean.

That ethnic joke also clearly applies to Japanese folk. Like in Lost in Translation: lip my leg! lip it off! lip!!!

gadget · 03-03-2009, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shimshimhada

So there was this kid, he was in the 6th grade, and started doing poorly in school. Desparate, his dad offers to buy him anything he wants, as long as he gets good grades. The kid figures, ok. So he gets straight As that year. The father Honours his word, and offers to buy him whatever he wants. The son says, he wants 1 pink ping pong ball. Kind of a strange request ponders the father, but regardless, he gets it for him.

In 7th grade, the Father offers his son the exact same deal, get good grades, and anything you want is yours (his dad is super wealthy, think Bill Gates). So the son gets straight A's again. Again the father asks him what he would like. This time, the kid wants 2 pink ping pong balls. At this point the father is a bit wierded out, but whatever, as long as the kid is succeeding.

Same deal in the 8th grade. As long as he has good grades, he gets whatever he wants. And again the kid gets straight A's. And once again the father informs him that he will get him ANYTHIGN he wants, anything in the world. The kid requests, a pack (containing 3) pink ping pong balls. Somewhat distraught by this request but nevertheless, the father gets his son what he wants.

High school comes around, the father figures, his son will be exposed to more people now, maybe his hormones will be raging, and he might take interest in girls etc. 9th grade, kid gets straight A's, and again the father offers him ANYTHING at all. The kid asks for 2 packs of 3 pink ping pong balls each. At this point the dad is thinking his son is out of his fucking mind, but if all the kid wants are pink ping pong balls, then wtf, its cheap. So he gets it for him.

10th grade, same deal. Kid gets straight A's, and again the father asks his son what he wants as a reward. This time he begs his son, telling him he will get him ANYTHING at ALL, just no more pink ping pong balls, the son asks for a garbage bag of pink ping pong balls. But what can he do? He promised him anything he wanted, and this is what he wants, so he got it for him.

11th Grade. Again the kid gets straight A's, and AGAIN the father offers him anything he wants as reward, and this time the kid asks for 2 garbage bags full of pink ping pong balls. The father gets it for him, not much he can do, at least its keeping him motivated.

12th Grade, again same thing, straight A student, graduating Valedictorian, father offers him anything in the world, and the kid asks, for a garbage truck full of pink ping pong balls.

So the kid goes off to med school. On his first year there, he got aids and died.

i don't get it?

Comet · 03-04-2009, 04:25 AM

yah me neither.. what's the punch line?

03-24-2006, 01:34 PM	#45
vladinecko Brigadier General 277 Rep 3,924 Posts Drives: '11 E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Bay Area, CA iTrader: (1) Garage List 2011 BMW M3 [9.00] 2008 BMW 335i [0.00] 2006 BMW 330i [0.00] 1994 BMW 325i [0.00]	An essay question in a communist grammar school: Who is your favorite soviet leader and why Lenin? __________________ 2011 E92 M3 - IB/Beige/Sycamore Wood/6MT/EDC/ZPP2/Nav/PDC/Heated Seats/iPod-USB/Enh. Audio 2008 E92 335i - Montego Blue/Black/Gray Poplar/6MT/ZPP/ZSP/Nav/PDC/Heated Seats/HDRadio/iPod-USB - *Sold* 2006 E90 330i - Mystic Blue/Black/Aluminum/6MT/ZPP/iDrive/PDC/Heated Seats/Sat. Prep - *Sold* 1994 E36 325i - Boston Green/Beige/Automatic/ZPP/Heated Seats/Premium Sound - *Sold*
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03-24-2006, 01:52 PM	#47
timzerofive there is no spoon 243 Rep 867 Posts Drives: 330i manual Join Date: May 2005 Location: Irvine iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 330i [0.00]	How does every ethnic joke start? With a glance over the shoulder. __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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03-24-2006, 02:06 PM	#48
BellasBmw If love is the answer,please rephrase the question 315 Rep 1,731 Posts Drives: Tit Silver 325i Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: San Diego, Ca iTrader: (1) Garage List 2006 325i [0.00]	Main difference btwn usa and europe.. Attached Images __________________ ~~BellasBmw~~ Proud mama to 325i/TiAg/Black lette/Pwr seats/Sirius/Sport/Walnut/Step/Xenons/Chrome exhaust/20% tint
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03-24-2006, 02:28 PM	#51
shimshimhada Brigadier General 442 Rep 4,838 Posts Drives: Portal Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Portal iTrader: (2)	I do not understand why girls don't know how to choose clothing that fit them.
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03-24-2006, 02:55 PM	#54
timzerofive there is no spoon 243 Rep 867 Posts Drives: 330i manual Join Date: May 2005 Location: Irvine iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 330i [0.00]	muffin top! ew! __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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03-24-2006, 08:42 PM	#55
NaTuReB0Y Powered By 36DD 337 Rep 7,369 Posts Drives: 2006 E90 Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Inland Empire iTrader: (12)	Yo mama so fat.....she made Michelin Man look like Manute Bol. __________________ 2006 E90 330i Jet Black \| 20" WORK VS-XX \| FK452 \| H&R Sport on Koni Yellow \| REMUS QUAD
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03-25-2006, 01:41 AM	#58
docbolo BMW worshiper 23 Rep 258 Posts Drives: M3/alpine/manual/prem/19" Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: San Diego, CA, USA iTrader: (1)	most of americans blood comes from other places. The nice thing about this place is that its a melting pot of cultures and genetic mixing. I've been to Europe dozens of times on business and if you think the people are more beautiful there you are wrong! They have overweight people too (of course not as many as deep south and midwest). Alot more ugly people in Sicily than NYC or San Diego for sure!!! I say move to Europe if you like the people there. Me? I kiss the ground everytime I come back to the good ol USA!
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03-25-2006, 01:56 AM	#60
BellasBmw If love is the answer,please rephrase the question 315 Rep 1,731 Posts Drives: Tit Silver 325i Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: San Diego, Ca iTrader: (1) Garage List 2006 325i [0.00]	There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his friend he was going to the doctor. His friend told him to go to the pharmacy where there is a machine that for ten dollars and a urine sample will tell you what is wrong with you. So he went to the pharmacy and put the ten dollars and his urine sample in. After a minute a paper came out and said that he has tennis elbow and he should soak his elbow in warm water for the next two weeks. That night, he decided the machine must be a fraud. So, the next day he made a mixture of tap water, his daughter's urine, his dog's urine -- and he added some of his own semen to it. He brought it to the pharmacy and put ten dollars and the stuff in. After a minute the paper came out and said, ''The tap water has lead, the dog has worms, your daughter is on drugs and she's not your daughter.'' __________________ ~~BellasBmw~~ Proud mama to 325i/TiAg/Black lette/Pwr seats/Sirius/Sport/Walnut/Step/Xenons/Chrome exhaust/20% tint
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03-26-2006, 01:19 PM	#62
BellasBmw If love is the answer,please rephrase the question 315 Rep 1,731 Posts Drives: Tit Silver 325i Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: San Diego, Ca iTrader: (1) Garage List 2006 325i [0.00]	The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces. These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists: 1. The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, the American flag or Jesus. 5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt. We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday. __________________ ~~BellasBmw~~ Proud mama to 325i/TiAg/Black lette/Pwr seats/Sirius/Sport/Walnut/Step/Xenons/Chrome exhaust/20% tint
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03-26-2006, 02:01 PM	#63
BMW F22 Major General 3566 Rep 9,788 Posts Drives: ///M235i Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Bay Area iTrader: (8)	Where are the ethnic jokes?? LOL wonder if I can put jokes about Asians here since IM asian. ahh fuck it as long as it's not too offensive. what do you call a white woman with one leg shorter than the other?? Irene What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilean.
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03-04-2009, 04:25 AM	#66
Comet Troll Harder 393 Rep 596 Posts Drives: 997 GT3, 997 4 GTS, X6M Join Date: May 2007 Location: Montreal, Beirut iTrader: (0) Garage List 2011 Porsche GT3 [8.00] 2012 Porsche 4 GTS [5.34]	yah me neither.. what's the punch line? __________________
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