Required reading for 1M sellers (humor)

Dee Pee · 04-10-2014, 07:01 PM

Even my cold-blooded CA (joking) told me he would kick me in the nuts if I ever sold my car. He drives a red E92 M3 and we swapped cars for a day. Guess which one he liked more? Guess which one he still pines for?

Whenever I compare cars, I inevitably fall back on dating analogies.*

Driving an Italian car is like dating a stripper--something everyone does before they know any better. It's 90% aggravation but 10% bliss as you watch people drool over your ride. My experience was such with my former GTV6.

Eventually, you wise up and go with something German. Sure, it still turns a few heads, but the constant drama and lack of reliability are a thing of the past--plus, your friends and parents start inviting you to dinner again.

From here on out, the question is how fun things can be without becoming drudgery.

The M3 works out, but it is still reminiscent of that exotic dancer. While slightly more refined, it's flashy, loud, and loads of fun, but expensive and with limited long-term value. But, hey...at least only half of your friends are rolling their eyes when you pull up in the thing. The other half amble over on their hairy knuckles and grunt approvingly, but they're not beating their chests and huffing like before.

Well, the lesson that you start to learn is that: be it women or cars or anything else...maybe it's not about what other people feel, but how you feel.

And then serendipity or hard work (or both) conspire to pair you up with a 1M. There aren't many around. They're special. Everyone wants one but they don't realize it until too late.

But you have one.

It's still a head-turner, but people are asking about the substance of the car instead of the style. It's still a fast car, but only needs to say one letter to get that point across. Your domesticated friends are applauding what seems to be your more "practical" choices. Your free-range friends are nodding their heads and smirking at your new toy because you're back in the game, baby. And inside you're grinning from ear-to-ear because it's uncomplicated and easy to interact with, but can still randomly shock and delight you. It's fun.

And then somewhere between apexes and straightaways, you realize the best part is that your feelings for the car are untainted by how others feel. It's not about them. It's about you and your ride. 'Til death do you part. It's a good lesson to have learned. It's a good feeling. The best feeling.

EPILOGUE:
The lesson here is that if you part ways, you better be damn sure that you just haven't kicked the love of your life to the curb. She might just end up in the hands of an abusive douchebag and you will have precious little chance, if any, to get her back.

*disclaimer
All this shit is said as a joke. I take massive artistic license. I also take my vodka martinis stirred with a twist. If it offends you, it's not meant to. Well, only if you're an E92 M3 driver. AMG drivers don't really count. Those things are like Rascal Scooters for 1%ers. Anyway, if you drive an M3, the point is to irritate and annoy you to the point where you start flaming me with comparos while I wonder how you can possibly type with both of your hands on those training wheels you call "shifters." Ok, maybe that was a bit off base, but it's all in good humor. I actually drove a 2014 Cayman S with PDK and was amazed at DCT, but I still felt disconnected. Hey, to each his own. Tomato, tomatoe. Potato, potatoe. Do the hokey-pokey and turn yourself around. Seriously, dude. If you are still reading this you're more OCD than me. So anyway, the point, if there was one, was to...oh look...shiny! Where was I? Oh yeah, just like when I wrote my thingamajigger for the Langley Group's Matchbox 1M, it's to evoke a response in a creative and humorous fashion. This is best explained by T.S. Eliot in "The Sacred Wood." “It must take genuine and substantial human emotions, such emotion as observation can confirm, typical emotions, and give them artistic form; the degree of abstraction is a question for the method of each author.” I'm not saying I'm a poet and I don't know it. I'm saying that you just shouldn't take things that you read on the internet too seriously.

COZ01M · 04-10-2014, 09:24 PM

ozinaldo · 04-10-2014, 10:23 PM

I am delighted to see 1M and T. S. Eliot as parts of the same text

Thanks for the laugh.

Goombeh · 04-11-2014, 03:18 AM

Inspired and thoughtful writing there Dee, nicely done.

I'm now inevitably drawing similarities between my M and my wife. But you've kind of made me want a 4C now..

ace11 · 04-11-2014, 08:12 AM

fantastic writing

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goombeh

I'm now inevitably drawing similarities between my M and my wife. But you've kind of made me want a 4C now..

hahaha just make sure she's won't read this

1M SUSI · 04-11-2014, 09:07 AM

Quote:

I actually drove a 2014 Cayman S with PDK and was amazed at DCT, but I still felt disconnected. Hey, to each his own. Tomato, tomatoe. Potato, potatoe.

Love lov it

Dee Pee · 04-17-2014, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ozinaldo

I am delighted to see 1M and T. S. Eliot as parts of the same text

Thanks for the laugh.

Thanks Oz!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goombeh

I'm now inevitably drawing similarities between my M and my wife. But you've kind of made me want a 4C now..

You know...I just got an email from Alfa USA aka Chrysler

regarding the 4C release. The Spyder variant was just shown at Geneva.

Topless. LOL. Back to practicing some bad habits.

sergeremi · 04-17-2014, 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee Pee

Thanks Oz

You know...I just got an email from Alfa USA aka Chrysler

regarding the 4C release. The Spyder variant was just shown at Geneva.

Just so you know, Chrysler is wholly owned by Fiat. Your sentient may still be the same, but it's Fiat using Chrysler to dealerships to bring over the alphas.

carchrism5 · 04-17-2014, 06:27 AM

I actually read the disclaimer first, gave me a good laugh, then I read the rest. Made me think about my car choices and then also my wife to be who is European (although she is from just east of Germany). Great read, thanks.

Artemis · 04-17-2014, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee Pee

Well, the lesson that you start to learn is that: be it women or cars or anything else...maybe it's not about what other people feel, but how you feel.

"If it's uphill all the way
You should be used to it by now
You must know me, father it's your son
And I know that you are proud
Of everything I've done
But it's the wonders I perform,
Pulling rabbits out of hats
When sometimes I'd prefer
Simply to wear them."
(from "Moving The River" performed by Prefab Sprout - http://prefab.tripod.com/~prefabs/steve/moving.htm)

Vrumpkin · 04-17-2014, 01:14 PM

In the end its about you and the car.. wonderful statement, 100% accurate. Great read thanks!

UNO///M · 04-17-2014, 05:35 PM

Genius!!!

JeffyD · 04-18-2014, 12:13 AM

Very enjoyable read.

And what qualifies the next owner as an "abusive douchebag," by your standards? I mean, I know I'm one, but I'm so far into such territory that I'm hardly the benchmark. So I'm just wondering where the line is drawn/when one enters such a descriptor.

04-10-2014, 07:01 PM	#1
Dee Pee Captain 176 Rep 795 Posts Drives: '11 AW 1M, ‘24 718 GTS Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Portland, OR iTrader: (0)	Required reading for 1M sellers (humor) Even my cold-blooded CA (joking) told me he would kick me in the nuts if I ever sold my car. He drives a red E92 M3 and we swapped cars for a day. Guess which one he liked more? Guess which one he still pines for? Whenever I compare cars, I inevitably fall back on dating analogies.* Driving an Italian car is like dating a stripper--something everyone does before they know any better. It's 90% aggravation but 10% bliss as you watch people drool over your ride. My experience was such with my former GTV6. Eventually, you wise up and go with something German. Sure, it still turns a few heads, but the constant drama and lack of reliability are a thing of the past--plus, your friends and parents start inviting you to dinner again. From here on out, the question is how fun things can be without becoming drudgery. The M3 works out, but it is still reminiscent of that exotic dancer. While slightly more refined, it's flashy, loud, and loads of fun, but expensive and with limited long-term value. But, hey...at least only half of your friends are rolling their eyes when you pull up in the thing. The other half amble over on their hairy knuckles and grunt approvingly, but they're not beating their chests and huffing like before. Well, the lesson that you start to learn is that: be it women or cars or anything else...maybe it's not about what other people feel, but how you feel. And then serendipity or hard work (or both) conspire to pair you up with a 1M. There aren't many around. They're special. Everyone wants one but they don't realize it until too late. But you have one. It's still a head-turner, but people are asking about the substance of the car instead of the style. It's still a fast car, but only needs to say one letter to get that point across. Your domesticated friends are applauding what seems to be your more "practical" choices. Your free-range friends are nodding their heads and smirking at your new toy because you're back in the game, baby. And inside you're grinning from ear-to-ear because it's uncomplicated and easy to interact with, but can still randomly shock and delight you. It's fun. And then somewhere between apexes and straightaways, you realize the best part is that your feelings for the car are untainted by how others feel. It's not about them. It's about you and your ride. 'Til death do you part. It's a good lesson to have learned. It's a good feeling. The best feeling. EPILOGUE: The lesson here is that if you part ways, you better be damn sure that you just haven't kicked the love of your life to the curb. She might just end up in the hands of an abusive douchebag and you will have precious little chance, if any, to get her back. disclaimer All this shit is said as a joke. I take massive artistic license. I also take my vodka martinis stirred with a twist. If it offends you, it's not meant to. Well, only if you're an E92 M3 driver. AMG drivers don't really count. Those things are like Rascal Scooters for 1%ers. Anyway, if you drive an M3, the point is to irritate and annoy you to the point where you start flaming me with comparos while I wonder how you can possibly type with both of your hands on those training wheels you call "shifters." Ok, maybe that was a bit off base, but it's all in good humor. I actually drove a 2014 Cayman S with PDK and was amazed at DCT, but I still felt disconnected. Hey, to each his own. Tomato, tomatoe. Potato, potatoe. Do the hokey-pokey and turn yourself around. Seriously, dude. If you are still reading this you're more OCD than me. So anyway, the point, if there was one, was to...oh look...shiny! Where was I? Oh yeah, just like when I wrote my thingamajigger for the Langley Group's Matchbox 1M, it's to evoke a response in a creative and humorous fashion. This is best explained by T.S. Eliot in "The Sacred Wood." “It must take genuine and substantial human emotions, such emotion as observation can confirm, typical emotions, and give them artistic form; the degree of abstraction is a question for the method of each author.” I'm not saying I'm a poet and I don't know it. I'm saying that you just shouldn't take things that you read on the internet too seriously. Last edited by Dee Pee; 04-10-2014 at 07:12 PM..*
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04-10-2014, 09:24 PM	#2
COZ01M Private First Class 5 Rep 145 Posts Drives: VO 1M Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Castle Hill, NSW iTrader: (0)
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04-10-2014, 10:23 PM	#3
ozinaldo Brigadier General 116 Rep 3,070 Posts Drives: 1M Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Lisbon, Portugal iTrader: (0)	I am delighted to see 1M and T. S. Eliot as parts of the same text Thanks for the laugh. __________________ "The mark of a great car is one whose overall competence exceeds what you should expect from its individual components and the 1M does just that", Chris Harris. BMW 1M-SOLD-: TECH: Evolve Race+N55mids, Evolve IC, Michelin PSS, ER cp, aFe filter, CDVx, Vorshlag camber plates, BMS OCC EXTERIOR: trunk spoiler, blacklines, black grills, IND goodies INTERIOR: Alcantara steering wheel, steel pedals, custom mats, MPower e-brake.
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04-11-2014, 03:18 AM	#4
Goombeh Second Lieutenant 224 Rep 246 Posts Drives: Little M, Fat GTR, Golf R. Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Aus iTrader: (0)	Inspired and thoughtful writing there Dee, nicely done. I'm now inevitably drawing similarities between my M and my wife. But you've kind of made me want a 4C now..
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04-17-2014, 06:27 AM	#9
carchrism5 Lieutenant Colonel 336 Rep 1,589 Posts Drives: M2, X3 M40i, 911 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: NC iTrader: (3)	I actually read the disclaimer first, gave me a good laugh, then I read the rest. Made me think about my car choices and then also my wife to be who is European (although she is from just east of Germany). Great read, thanks.
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04-17-2014, 01:14 PM	#11
Vrumpkin Seymour J. Vrumpkin 15 Rep 241 Posts Drives: BMW 1M Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: South Florida iTrader: (0)	In the end its about you and the car.. wonderful statement, 100% accurate. Great read thanks!
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04-17-2014, 05:35 PM	#12
UNO///M Second Lieutenant 13 Rep 249 Posts Drives: AW BMW 1M Join Date: May 2008 Location: Orlando,FL iTrader: (0)	Genius!!! __________________ AW BMW 1M, N55 mid pipe, Lightweight titanausphalangen CF front splitter, Bmw Performance CF rear spoliler, LUX AE, IND goodies...
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04-18-2014, 12:13 AM	#13
JeffyD Destroy All Monsters 3 Rep 159 Posts Drives: '02 EB M Coupe, '11 M Coupe Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Southern California iTrader: (0)	Very enjoyable read. And what qualifies the next owner as an "abusive douchebag," by your standards? I mean, I know I'm one, but I'm so far into such territory that I'm hardly the benchmark. So I'm just wondering where the line is drawn/when one enters such a descriptor.
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