Tinder/Dating Apps

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Welp, I'm out.

Had her over for dinner, long night, and she turned to me and says, "are you a fan of (my favorite modern composer), because I have tickets and would like to take you."

So she is basically my female equivalent or a CIA asset who is assigned to me, either way I'm in for a ride...

I'm confused. Was she too robotic? No spark? Seems like a nice offer.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

I'm confused. Was she too robotic? No spark? Seems like a nice offer.

Opposite, deleted the dating app (sorry that is what I meant by "Im out") and gonna see where this goes. Its just nuts because we keep saying were going to slow it down and every time we get together we fail miserably at that (in the good way) and then every time she goes "I don't know if you're into this but" she is talking about something Im into but we haven't just gotten around to covering yet.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

It can be initially, but do it enough and at some point someone is going to get attached. I would run as fast as you can from this one, she sounds like a seriously damaged individual.

yea when they start doing that little 8 figure with their finger on your chest and say... i want to ask you something... this is a scary moment

[Alfisti]

He's gonna wake up to her taking a shit on his chest. Ask me how I know.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

He's gonna wake up to her taking a shit on his chest. Ask me how I know.

Reverse Chicago Chili dog?

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Opposite, deleted the dating app (sorry that is what I meant by "Im out") and gonna see where this goes. Its just nuts because we keep saying were going to slow it down and every time we get together we fail miserably at that (in the good way) and then every time she goes "I don't know if you're into this but" she is talking about something Im into but we haven't just gotten around to covering yet.

Glad to hear, good luck!

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Glad to hear, good luck!

Thanks. Keep the faith guys, they are out there! A weekend "lost" to this woman. We hung out Saturday but she had to go home to take care of the pup. Met for brunch yesterday and it just never ended, getting close to dinner time she is like, "Why don't I just go get my dog?"

We both keep asking whats the catch, its been too easy.

[Watching The World Burn]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Thanks. Keep the faith guys, they are out there! A weekend "lost" to this woman. We hung out Saturday but she had to go home to take care of the pup. Met for brunch yesterday and it just never ended, getting close to dinner time she is like, "Why don't I just go get my dog?"

We both keep asking whats the catch, its been too easy.

Oh, you'll both find out soon enough lol. The honeymoon period always ends sooner or later. Best case scenario, it is something you can easily live with, and if so, put a ring on it fast.

Let's hope that it doesn't involve a phone travelling at a high rate of velocity towards your head.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Watching The World Burn

Oh, you'll both find out soon enough lol. The honeymoon period always ends sooner or later. Best case scenario, it is something you can easily live with, and if so, put a ring on it fast.

Let's hope that it doesn't involve a phone travelling at a high rate of velocity towards your head.

LOL, I know right? This is weird though. Even with the last one I suspect I was papering over those things because she was built like a living barbie and very eager, but truthfully we weren't the best match (she just pretended we were).

This one is more like a rabbit hole. Everything she says it gets deeper. I asker her yesterday what she thought about kids and she was like "I used to want them, but now I just think we could afford to have kids or we could afford to travel the world and have great sex..."



She might be a foreign agent assigned to me, but my security clearance has expired, so Im not sure what her angle could be.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Watching The World Burn

Oh, you'll both find out soon enough lol. The honeymoon period always ends sooner or later. Best case scenario, it is something you can easily live with, and if so, put a ring on it fast.

Let's hope that it doesn't involve a phone travelling at a high rate of velocity towards your head.

No phone but those daddy issues are real. All was great until things got official and I made the mistake of bringing her to a group event and she kind of got stuck on whether or not a girl in the group and I had hooked up, why we hadn't, why we would/should have, etc. Just an odd conversation all around.

Then it got a lot clearer. I thought I had dodged it because her dad had only recently died, she was doing a charity for him, etc. Only to find out he was apparently this horribly abusive drunk when she was young and she went through a bunch of abusive relationships, AKA unresolved trauma. So just like the last one the moment they fall in love with you they get that abandonment feeling and lose it.

So lesson learned, do the best I can to find out that relationship from the get. Although that isnt indicative of the apps specifically, the last one with those issues I met through friends.

[Watching The World Burn]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

No phone but those daddy issues are real. All was great until things got official and I made the mistake of bringing her to a group event and she kind of got stuck on whether or not a girl in the group and I had hooked up, why we hadn't, why we would/should have, etc. Just an odd conversation all around.

Then it got a lot clearer. I thought I had dodged it because her dad had only recently died, she was doing a charity for him, etc. Only to find out he was apparently this horribly abusive drunk when she was young and she went through a bunch of abusive relationships, AKA unresolved trauma. So just like the last one the moment they fall in love with you they get that abandonment feeling and lose it.

So lesson learned, do the best I can to find out that relationship from the get. Although that isnt indicative of the apps specifically, the last one with those issues I met through friends.

Wait - is the above about the new one - the one that you didn't know what the catch was and might be a sleeper agent, or was that about the real life Barbie who thought you needed your phone urgently?


Edit: I think you are talking about the sleeper agent...if so:

https://y.yarn.co/0236c517-f5ac-4083...9f4e0_text.gif

[ryan stewart]

Technically both. The barbie doll was the phone thrower whose dad died when she was 8, the sleeper agent is the one who had the abusive alcoholic dad. I kind of wondering if all of the awesomeness was an even more intense version of what the previous was doing, basically saying everything I wanted to hear to draw me in. Saw the push/pull shit and went ahead and exited stage right, I know Im not down for that again.

Two in a row, but also last two I dated much closer to my own age. At least that answers the question of "why are they still single?"

[ASAP]

seems like the online experience is going as well as expected lol

[ASAP]

I only say this because I have experience with this...

Some of my dates-

1) 2 girls showed up not really interested in dates... they really weren't interested in anything maybe just hanging out.

2) Another girl showed up already drunk and didn't seem sane to me.

3) Another girl showed up and seemed great until she had 2 drinks and I thought she would legit jump off a building balcony - batshit insane.

4) 1 girl I met and thought I really clicked with... nope it turned out like I said in the above posts she was already talking to a few dudes.

5) 1 girl I met, we got along relatively well but the GIRL was insanely boring and I had to always initiate the conversations.

RIP my brother lol... just meet someone in real life.

[ryan stewart]

Yeah but the previous one was daddy issues too and I met her IRL.

My buddy is like "just go for women in their 20s for a bit" as he did for a while after being frustrated by upper 30s/low 40s trying to find someone in the same stage of life as well. But I cant imagine Id have fuck all in common with someone in their 20s (other than the obvious).

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Yeah but the previous one was daddy issues too and I met her IRL.

My buddy is like "just go for women in their 20s for a bit" as he did for a while after being frustrated by upper 30s/low 40s trying to find someone in the same stage of life as well. But I cant imagine Id have fuck all in common with someone in their 20s (other than the obvious).

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and what part of ATL are you in?

[Alfisti]

TBH some of the issues you guys are having is you're aware of "The Crazy". Sexist it may be but man, a good share of women are irrational nut cases and young guys tend to ignore the warning signs but you guys around 30 are clearly not having any of it.

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

TBH some of the issues you guys are having is you're aware of "The Crazy". Sexist it may be but man, a good share of women are irrational nut cases and young guys tend to ignore the warning signs but you guys around 30 are clearly not having any of it.

You're correct; I'm 47, I can spot things from a mile away that I couldn't when I was younger. One MAJOR question you want to ask right away is what kind of relationship your dating prospect had/has with her father, especially when she was younger. If her father wasn't around, who was the strong, stable, masculine presence she had in her life? If you don't get an answer to that line of questioning that you're comfortable with, it's something that should give you pause.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

You're correct; I'm 47, I can spot things from a mile away that I couldn't when I was younger. One MAJOR question you want to ask right away is what kind of relationship your dating prospect had/has with her father, especially when she was younger. If her father wasn't around, who was the strong, stable, masculine presence she had in her life? If you don't get an answer to that line of questioning that you're comfortable with, it's something that should give you pause.

If I was a girl... I am not sure these are things I'd want to talk about when I just met you

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ASAP

If I was a girl... I am not sure these are things I'd want to talk about when I just met you

Maybe not at the point where you first meet someone, but certainly on the first or second date. You just casually ask "so tell me about your family". She'll give you some info, you offer some up in return, etc. It definitely needs to be part of the conversation very early on. If she's interested in you and has a good head on her shoulders she'll want to know these things about you too.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Maybe not at the point where you first meet someone, but certainly on the first or second date. You just casually ask "so tell me about your family". She'll give you some info, you offer some up in return, etc. It definitely needs to be part of the conversation very early on. If she's interested in you and has a good head on her shoulders she'll want to know these things about you too.

So I have a story-

I went on a date with a girl a few months ago. We met at a bar and all she had was water, no alcohol. Seemed real nice to me... and if you don't want to drink alcohol that's perfectly fine with me (but... I also always see it as somewhat of a redflag if you don't have even 1 drink).

Was there some trauma, alcoholism etc?

So we got to talking about her family and it turned out she doesn't drink at all because her step dad died of alcoholism and her "real dad" was never there.

Was she a good girl? She very well may have been (we didn't click for other reasons)... but was her not having 1 drink maybe a sign of another even deeper trauma? Does it hold another red flag?

I don't know... point being is that was a warning to me... so these discussions aren't always easy and sometimes can't happen early on.

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ASAP

So I have a story-

I went on a date with a girl a few months ago. We met at a bar and all she had was water, no alcohol. Seemed real nice to me... and if you don't want to drink alcohol that's perfectly fine with me (but... I also always see it as somewhat of a redflag if you don't have even 1 drink).

Was there some trauma, alcoholism etc?

So we got to talking about her family and it turned out she doesn't drink at all because her step dad died of alcoholism and her "real dad" was never there.

Was she a good girl? She very well may have been (we didn't click for other reasons)... but was her not having 1 drink maybe a sign of another even deeper trauma? Does it hold another red flag?

I don't know... point being is that was a warning to me... so these discussions aren't always easy and sometimes can't happen early on.

Sounds to me like you vetted her perfectly. Even if she checked multiple boxes, you like to have a drink now and then and she has an aversion. This is the type of little thing that becomes a big thing down the road. Sometimes discussions like this aren't easy, but they're almost always necessary.