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11-20-2007, 05:18 PM | #45 | |
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11-20-2007, 05:42 PM | #48 |
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Do I sound that naive? Anyway, I made the decision, and once you start pushing the flywheel in one direction you should not change it untill you see some results or you'll never get anywhere. My mother always says I need to wear a protective helmet at all times, because of the risks I take, but hell with it - upside is worth it.
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11-20-2007, 06:44 PM | #49 | |
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Best of luck to you! |
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11-20-2007, 07:09 PM | #50 | |
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I've been married for three and a half years and my wife and I dated for seven years before we got married. If this type of shit ever happened to me, I'd be the first one to walk out, but it's just me being me.
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11-20-2007, 08:04 PM | #51 |
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cheating is not just a physical action... it is a mental action.... an emotional action.... what you should do? I can't really say... this is YOUR personal relationship hence your decision.... but for what its worth.... trust is a fragile thing....
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11-21-2007, 10:57 AM | #52 |
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to be brutally honest, I'm not too sure that everything that's been posted is the truth.
But that's what you get when posting/reading on a public message board. The married part of me says bravo to your decision to stick it out and not let the "emotional friend" ruin a good thing. I've seen friends and family go through divorces and they are empty shells for a long time - Very painful As a Howard Stern listener, I suggest you call a Abelow type marriage counselor to work things out. Their was a gap in the relationship to cause the need for the emotional friend. The calout as to being out of town/not enought together time may be a valid one, which in case, you should still plan for an intimate week/weekend away to patch things up, if at the very least, temoporarily. Last suggestion, if either of the two of you have any doubt as to your relationship, I would most definitely hold of on having children. The infant and addition of a 3rd factor into a relationship definitely puts a strain on you and your wife. Lack of sleep will cause friction, esp if both of you have hot tempers.
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11-22-2007, 12:48 AM | #54 |
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I commend you on your decision man. Good luck on everything.It says alot that you truly don't give a sh-- about the material and believe that love will work it out. History has proved otherwise for many people, I hope it works out for you.
"Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's. - Billy Wilder" |
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11-22-2007, 01:03 AM | #56 |
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11-22-2007, 01:06 AM | #57 |
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That is a tough situation. As I am young and not married can't give you advice, but I just got out of a serious relationship. I was in Japan for the summer and she was hanging out with her ex. They been broken up for like a year and she claims that they are at the point in which they can be friends. That they were just hanging watching the game at his house, shit even spoke to me on the phone when with him and talks about me etc... Anyway i was like wtf and always ensured me nothing happened... still dont know
anyway in time I did what you did snooping, and I'm damn good at it. A computer tech and Intel, a combo she doubted to much. Found some shady shit but no evidance but that we were going south... Anyway to sum it up we broke up. HOWEVER if I could work at it, I would because she meant a lot to me. We broke up once before when I was overseas and she dated someone else, I won her back... So I know the drill and it was a fucked up deal but I loved her and I would do what it takes... Trust takes time and work so what I'm saying is its your call on how you feel and how much you love her. You two need help and work on it, so its not the end. But it wont be easy and it is kinda fucked pick your path *shrugs* bitches, I was saving for a ring for that girl 2
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11-22-2007, 03:52 AM | #58 | |
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11-22-2007, 05:19 AM | #59 |
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Well Ashamed, I pride myself at understanding people.. Here is my take..
Your wife is an Ex Dancer (Stripper) used to attention from guys, doesnt see anything with expressing herself sexually or letting guys dangle on the string for her in the past. Now she is married, and where you expect a faithful relationship, she still has some mental baggage. Granted to this point she has been good to you, but in this case, she was getting bored, someone else sparked her interest and she gave in. Girls can be soo stupid, enticed into doing untrustworthy cold hearted things, at least ur wife is somewhat remorseful, i know many that would still think nothing happened.. You have to come with terms that your wife can still be dumb and that your the smart logic one in the relationship. Confronting her was very good, and sticking with her is also good but realise she wants attention and is used to flirting from her previous days so she fell back.. Here is my list of suggestions on how to fix. A. keep the punishment short, you let her know, shes remorseful, now be the Bigger man and Show her a stronger frame that that other guy. Be the winner she married, so she buys back into it.. B. Marriage counseling is good, but like i said try not to make a super big deal out of it, goes back to keeping the punishment short.. You caught her, slapped her on the wrist, now give her the opportunity to make up for it. If you play your cards right and over and out do the competitor she may even fall deeper into love with you than before. You need to demonstrate Higher Value than that guy and shell be in ur arms again very quick. Over doing the punishment, or making a bigger deal out of it, or acting really hurt for a while is demonstrating lower value, this may in fact push her away or make her reconsider her attachment to you.. She fuked up thats for sure, you slapped her on the wrist, now prove ur 10x the man that guy is and make her fall even harder for you.. Always keep your guard up though, dont give her your string/trust back so quickly, or she will walk on you again. Slowly give it back. You must show her you dissaprove of her actions and she must earn you back just make sure u take the opportunities when she presents them.. Keep a strong frame and be the Man in the relationship with the Control. As for kids, when you both do get close nit with each other again and things do start going well, Maybe a kid is a good idea actually.. It does secure her with you into a Family, it also gives her an Out and another Focus for her time and something else to do, it also makes her less wanted by other guys.. When you do get back solid with her, the kid thing may help in the long run her maternal instincts come out, she will become a different kind of woman and maintaining a strong frame and control with her will be much easier. Just make sure ur not on rocky waters when you do go this route.. Wish you the best! |
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11-22-2007, 07:21 PM | #60 |
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The testosterone in me would print out some of her emails and her call logs and without telling anyone confront the guy with it (in a non drama way) and ask him what the extent of the relationship was. Don't threaten him because he will probably puss out and lie to you, so tell him that you want to know if you married a cheater and that you don't hold him responsible. He may tell you exactly what happened, and it may shock you, or it may confirm what your wife was telling you all along. If you feel he is blatantly lying to you, threaten to forward the letters on to his wife if he doesn't come clean with all of the details."
A lie is a lie, I think you love her a lot so you want to rationalize and make excuses for her, but in 3rd person you know the right thing, but emotions will get in teh way and all that time spent you think tis a waste...hopefully you can think clearly on this, and raising a child is this the woman,morals,values you wanted reflected..take time and thought before yall go for that next fall...all in all, its an unfortunate situation
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11-24-2007, 12:53 AM | #63 |
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Poly-graph! Poly-graph! Poly-graph! Nah, give her a chance. If she makes the same mistake again, leave her. Now, she'll have to forgive you next time you go to Vegas...
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11-24-2007, 01:31 AM | #66 |
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i would usually asked for a "cliff notes".....but i actually read post #1
the best advice my best friend gave me was....."once the milk turns sour.....there's no going back." so, unless you can turn sour milk to drinkable milk........it's pretty much over. and my friend was so right..............good luck.
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