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View Poll Results: How long did you date before getting married?
under a year 12 9.76%
1-1.99 years 22 17.89%
2-2.99 years 16 13.01%
3-6 years 27 21.95%
over 6 years 17 13.82%
still not married 29 23.58%
Voters: 123. You may not vote on this poll

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      02-25-2019, 12:11 AM   #23
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You get of those things that picks up after you and makes you dinner and fetches beers?
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      02-25-2019, 01:37 AM   #24
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No need to rush into a marriage.
Do it when you're ready not when she demands it. If she hasnt the patience, other ones maybe will have
We had a weekend and holiday relationship for nearly 3 years caused by jobs and other stuff, after we started sharing the life together daily it took 2 years more before she got me down on my knees but she didnt expect it. We were one year engaged and then marriage. This is now 5.5 years ago, not really a long time but into my age the time counts triple
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      02-25-2019, 01:46 AM   #25
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Don't rush into marriage, it's a big commitment. Especially since you're still really young and so is she.
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      02-25-2019, 02:02 AM   #26
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I'm an Engineer, I like to make things brief and straight to the point

- Dated when I was 27yr2mo (She was 22yr5mo)
- Got engaged when I was 28yr5mo (She was 23yr8mo)
- Got Married when I was 30yr3mo (She was 25yr6mo)

I'd say 28-30 is a great time to get married. There are tons of stuff that you need to learn about each other. It's not just about having fun/traveling or exploring the world. It's more about exploring each other. Also, don't forget that as a married couple you'd both have great amount of responsibilities towards each other. Take one step at a time.
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      02-25-2019, 04:07 AM   #27
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You’re both too young, people change a lot between 20 and 30. Wait, do it once.
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      02-25-2019, 06:00 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by Grumpy Old Man View Post
So coming from an old fella, I would say you're young and you will both grow and hopefully mature between now and when you're 30. Don't rush into it.

What's an "SO"?
^ This. I dated my ex husband for 3 years before we got married. I was 23 and he was 29. Got divorced after 20 years. Dating my current man almost 8 years, got engaged about a year and a half ago.

Listen to two old folks. Don't get married at 23 and 21. You have a lot of growing to do. You are not the person you will be in 10 years.
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      02-25-2019, 07:12 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by cmyx6go View Post
^ This. I dated my ex husband for 3 years before we got married. I was 23 and he was 29. Got divorced after 20 years. Dating my current man almost 8 years, got engaged about a year and a half ago.

Listen to two old folks. Don't get married at 23 and 21. You have a lot of growing to do. You are not the person you will be in 10 years.
Sage advice.

I was engaged at 25, married at 27 and upon time of the divorce a total of 25 years 3 months married.

Do it once. Do it once and if there are ANY doubts, ANY WHATSOEVER, don't do it. You are seeing the person at their best at the moment you're in. IMHO, no one should be married before 30.

And moving onto another topic, the wedding: The smaller the better and have a party for close friends and family. I had a huge wedding...over 700 people invited and about 1100-1200 attending. There were 9 or 10 bridesmaids, multiple parties in advance of the wedding, 4 or 5 super stretch limo's and the rest of what's needed to complete the circus. It's flushing money down the drain. Don't do it. Elope. Party for friends and family when you return.

Cheers-MK
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      02-25-2019, 07:25 AM   #30
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First time, 3 years and only married for 2.

Second, lest than a year and still happily married going on 23 years.
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      02-25-2019, 07:25 AM   #31
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As others have stated or implied, time together is less critical than age / life experience. My wife and I dated for a while in our late 20s, broke up, got back together, moved in together and then got engaged. Married at 32. We weren't engaged for all that long (6 mos? don't recall specifically as it has been 19 years) before we got married.

Advice: You are not ready if focused on whether or not time together is the indicator to follow. If you are both ready, it should be apparent to both of you. Also, I suggest not getting engaged with a strategy of locking her up and dragging it out until ready. Get engaged when you are both ready to get married and start planning your life together. If you aren't ready to get married, my advice is don't get engaged.
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      02-25-2019, 07:30 AM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MKSixer View Post
Sage advice.

I was engaged at 25, married at 27 and upon time of the divorce a total of 25 years 3 months married.

Do it once. Do it once and if there are ANY doubts, ANY WHATSOEVER, don't do it. You are seeing the person at their best at the moment you're in. IMHO, no one should be married before 30.

And moving onto another topic, the wedding: The smaller the better and have a party for close friends and family. I had a huge wedding...over 700 people invited and about 1100-1200 attending. There were 9 or 10 bridesmaids, multiple parties in advance of the wedding, 4 or 5 super stretch limo's and the rest of what's needed to complete the circus. It's flushing money down the drain. Don't do it. Elope. Party for friends and family when you return.

Cheers-MK
^ This. Save the money, buy a house. It's ridiculous. You won't even remember most of the night. And the BS stress that comes from planning said circus.
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      02-25-2019, 07:34 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by cmyx6go View Post
^ This. Save the money, buy a house. It's ridiculous. You won't even remember most of the night. And the BS stress that comes from planning said circus.
Exactly. It was a week of pressure and misery which didn't end until we went on the honeymoon.
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      02-25-2019, 07:56 AM   #34
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1st marriage: I was 23, she was 21. Big church wedding, lots of guests, lots of debt. But it was her "dream wedding" so what the heck, why not. We had been dating for 3 years and were going to prove all those people who said "you're too young, wait", wrong. Got divorced 2 years later after she realized she was 23 and didn't want to be be tied down.

2nd marriage: I was 25, she was 27 when we met. "Dated" for 10 years. I put that in quotes because technically we weren't engaged or married but we may as well have been. Bought 2 houses together, joint accounts, basically inseparable. Once we finally got married it was more of a formality than anything. Flew to Vegas, got the Blue Hawaii package at the Graceland Chapel, got married by "Elvis" in front of a couple dozen friends and family members who also flew out there.

My advice: You are far too young to be making these sorts of life-long decisions. The people you and your SO are today are 1,000,000,000% NOT the people you will be in 5 years. You have so much growth and experience ahead of you as you exit school and launch into your careers, develop new hobbies and interests, new friends, etc. You will either grown closer together through all that, or drift apart. If she's the "I want to be married by the time I'm 22 and pregnant by the time I'm 24" type that has all this planned out in her head since she was 5, be cautious. Life never goes as "planned" and she's likely in for a rough road. What seemed like a great plan as a little girl often times does not make sense as an adult. Just ask my ex-wife.

Anyway, if you feel you need to lock it down, then get engaged and put a ring on there, but tell her no wedding till you both are a bit more grown up and understand who you are are individuals and as a couple. If she cant understand that then she's too immature for marriage.
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      02-25-2019, 09:05 AM   #35
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First marriage - we met at 18, dated/lived together for 5 years married at 23 in 1999 and had 2 children over the course of the next 2 years. Separated in 2008, divorced in 2009. She was nothing more than a financial leach that used the children as a crutch for her to be a drain on society and a vacuum to my bank account.

Second marriage - I had a crush on this girl since I was 14 and never said anything about it to her. We re-connected 2 months after the divorce to first wife and were married 6 months later. I was head over heels in love with this woman. She was the Anti-Christ I later discovered. After a very rocky marriage, we were divorced 2 years later and continued a VERY toxic relationship for another 5 years. I can not express how relieved that this bullshit is over.

My opinion, as others have stated; do not rush into marriage. If it works for you after 30, pull the trigger. Personally, it's a slippery slope. Marriage is a gamble. You are basically wagering half of everything that you own/have acquired in life (including your sanity and emotional well-being) that you and/or the person, that you have invited the state into your relationship with will feel the same way until one of you dies. Risky business. No need to involve the state with your feelings in my opinion. You can love someone without all that added headache and costly expense in the event that things don't work out in the future. Not sure what the common law marriage standards are in your state but living together after X amount of time can lead to the same results.

Marriage, as with anything else that you decide in life, is risky. It can be very beneficial or a total disaster.....all depends on your ability to make sound decisions.
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      02-25-2019, 09:06 AM   #36
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Get a prenup unless you are both equally broke
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      02-25-2019, 09:13 AM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post

Marriage, as with anything else that you decide in life, is risky. It can be very beneficial or a total disaster.....all depends on your ability to make sound decisions.
Sort of like the stock markets ... and everybody including their grandmas are in the stock markets.
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      02-25-2019, 09:15 AM   #38
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Get a prenup unless you are both equally broke
Doesn't matter if you are equally broke when you get married. It matters what you make when you're married that the other person can claim rights to. Ask me how I know.....
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      02-25-2019, 09:16 AM   #39
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Well correct but if you go in significantly more well off you can keep 100 percent of your possessions and money that you had prior to marriage. Ask me how I know.
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      02-25-2019, 09:20 AM   #40
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Well correct but if you go in significantly more well off you can keep 100 percent of your possessions and money that you had prior to marriage. Ask me how I know.
I wasn't discounting the prenup statement. Just pointing out that current financial situations should not be a factor in NOT having a prenup.
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      02-25-2019, 09:41 AM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps View Post
I'll never understand peoples obsession with getting married. Don't even get me started on rings and weddings and all the other nonsense that goes with it.
Went to a court, got a cert, went to a bank, got it notarized, turned cert into court.

Getting married can be done for the low fee of $79.
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      02-25-2019, 09:44 AM   #42
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Getting married can be done for the low fee of $79.
Sounds like a pretty romantic marriage.
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      02-25-2019, 10:13 AM   #43
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The dirty secret is the marriage is not the big commitment. You can get married, then go your separate ways if shit hits the fan, not ideal but it can be done.

All bets are off with kids. Even if you ABSOLUTELY DESPISE each other you will NEVER get that person out of your life .... ever.

Tread carefully, extremely, extremely carefully. Any doubts, bail, absolutely 100% bail. be totally ruthless and prepared to be alone than be stuck with someone you hate.
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      02-25-2019, 10:26 AM   #44
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Tread carefully, extremely, extremely carefully. Any doubts, bail, absolutely 100% bail. be totally ruthless and prepared to be alone than be stuck with someone you hate.
If I have to guess, you're pretty rich.

Interestingly enough, most poor people probably have the opposite mentality.
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